Went to see a Career Advisor today. All part of my plan for world domination.
Took the day off from work today in the vain hope, through the power of career advising, of finding a start, an idea, a something to which I could move onto and become useful in my working life, or at least, fullfilled.
My appointment was at 10 o'clock so I thought I'd wander about the town for an hour before hand, look in the shops, feel the pavement beneath my feet - that kind of thing. When picking up a newspaper from Smiths, I bumped into my old boss, Emlyn. I hadn't seen him for a few years and aside from a hello I wasn't expecting much else, but he was in the mood for a chat. So we stood there in the middle of Smiths and chatted.
He explained to me that he was now a man of lesiure and had taken reduncy from the place that we had both worked. His job of managing the dross of humanity (his words - I should be insulted as I was once managed by him!!) and compiling stats for faceless civil service mandarins had reduced him to bourbon glugging wreck and when the opportunity came, he took the money and ran.
He said that towards the end he was indeed throwing back at least one bottle of Kentucky's finest a night just to dull the gnawing uncertainty about whether he was actually acheiving anything, and to desensitise himself to the contstant moaning and whinging that his underlings indulged in like some kind of sport - my miserable worthless life is more miserable and worthless than yours. He saw him self becoming empty, moving about in an office world where sad and lonely people came to work to avoide their husbands/wives/children/lovers and to be with others of the same ilk. They spend their evenings watching soap operas, only to come to work to appear in a sopa opera of their own making. Thus poor Emlyn, broken on the wheel of endless figures, took his leave of the working world.
Now, he told me, he spends his days watching his money and wandering about enjoying being a human being again and basking in the thought of never having to wear a shirt and tie again. Not until they bury him, at least. My appointment with destiny was almost upon me so I bade farewell as he made his way off to the DVD section.
Soon enough I found myself sitting beside a desk in the Careers Office. Opposite me sat what appeared to be one of the very people Emlyn had spoken of. Ill fitting blouse and eyes to far apart, a forty something women sat in her chair feigning enthusiasm and reading off some internal script, that was no doubt etched upon her very soul. Said script seemingly designed to push me in some direction, we were soon talking about things like the Probabtion Office (recruiting soon, so it seems), bricklaying (her idea of creativity, but not mine), writing (I probably could use some practical advice) and various other things that might've been relavent if I had remembered them.
One hour later and I'm back home. Not a wasted morning but plenty to dwell on. Something else Emlyn mentioned came back to me whilst I munched on my lunch. It was an interesting observation that he made and worth repeating. For years he had listened to the moaning and grinding of teeth from his staff about the work and so forth. How they would be out of there given the chance and how they couldn't wait to retire. When the chance came (the chance that Emlyn took with all the gratitude of a thirsty man necking a cold pint on a hot summer day...maybe not a good thing for Emlyn, but still...) they all, almost to a man and woman, shut up about retiring or taking redundancy. He said it was amazing. He had listened to their crap for years and when they had the opportunity they fell silent and clung on to their jobs even tighter!! He said that fear drove them deeper into the bosom of their careers - fear of the real world, fear of spouses and family warfare.
He said the silence was stunning......
If I'm still in this job when I get the offer to go you can count on it - I'm fucking off sharpish!
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