Episode 3 - New Years Day!!

Well, what a surprise - its raining again.

New Years Day.

A day of new beginnings and for some, some old endings. First hangover of the year, first resolution of the year.

First everything. Taking a dump, making love, arguing, shouting at the kids, staying in bed and whole load of other "firsts".

Thing is, there really isn't anything new about the new year except the digit - 2006 becomes 2007. We've had 1st January loads of times before and most of us have done all the things mentioned above at least once - well, you'd hope so. Imagine not shitting for ever!!!!

Maybe that's how the universe got formed - God never took a dump because he never needed too - why would he, he's God? But one day, he thought he'd give it a try - he's probably got an arse and maybe he got curious as to what it might be for.

So, he knocks up an inter galactic curry, washes it all down with a few tins of lager and boosh!!! Eight hours later he crapped out the universe.

What that makes us, who knows??

So, anyway.

I phoned my friend Mike to wish him a happy new year. He spends his days looking after his girlfriends Dad, watching porn, fantasising about owning a Ferrari and likes to discuss the merits of High Definition TV - at length. He is also very highly sexed and is always looking for ways and means to broaden his girlfriends, ahem, horizons.

I've known him for 25 years.

During the conversation I mention that we (me and my wife) are going to a party up the valley, to see in the new year. Our friend Diane, who's house we are visiting, is on and off single and seemgingly drifting into a personal abyss of apathy.

Anyway, Mike takes an interest in Diane and asks me to give her his mobile number. Now, is it just me or would a bloke asking this of his friend be up to no good? Is it me or is it symptomatic of something else? That my oversexed, Ferrari loving friend wishes to play the field?

Hmmn.

As it happens on arrival at the party, Diane's on-off relationship is back on again. Her sometime boyfriend Rob is there is the kitchen making a salad and seemingly guzzling his way through an endless supply of Strongbow - I make a mental note to avoid the salad.

Mike texts me and asks me if I've popped the question. Not being a fan of texting I delay my response (until the following day....) and tell him no, I haven't asked her, no, I won't be asking either because she'll probably say no! Besides, why is Mike so interested in this whole thing, when it seems his own relationship seems to be going diddly fine?

He hasn't got back to me and I suspect he won't on the question of why, either.

Nowt so strange as folk.......